FILTHY 6: Chapter One

Hey y'all!
I've had a lot of questions about when FILTHY 6 is releasing, ranging from 'Where is it?' to 'You better finish it now or I will gut you'. (LOL). So here's an update and a special surprise.

1. The update:
FILTHY 6 is not finished. (You're thinking WHAT THE FUCK, MEGAN!) And I know, I know. It should have been finished a long time ago, but it just didn't happen. There were a lot of reasons for this, but I won't bore you with them. The point is, the book will be finished, and SOON. I mean this. Part of the reason it's taken me so long, is that it is so hard to write the end of Faye and Rhett's story. They are such powerful characters who mean so much to me. Things get muddled and complicated in my head (i.e. me debating on whether or not I should just kill everyone off, BAHAHA JK). 
The book is longer than the other books. I didn't plan for it to be, but yeah, that's just how it happened. I'll have a definite date for you soon. 

Also--before I get to the surprise--I recently started a Facebook book for my readers to chat and discuss my books. People in the group get info from me first (before anyone else!) and get the chance to take part in all kinds of special giveaways. YOU should totally come join us! We have fun and I DO bite, which is why we have so much fun. Check it out here. And we have this amazing cover photo, so how could you not want to join?

2. The special surprise: Chapter One of FILTHY 6
Thank you all for being so patient and understanding. Here is the first chapter of FILTHY 6. I can't wait to share the entire book with all of you soon! <3

One.

Faye.

I lied in the letter—the one I left for Rhett and Sarah. The one I wrote with shaking fingers and bleary eyes. I told them I wouldn’t come back here. That I was better than this place, than my past.

            But I wasn’t.

            I blinked scratchy eyes, looking out at the truck stop as the bus pulled away from the curb. It hadn’t been long since I’d been here—not really. A year and a half, but it seemed eons ago. Another life ago. The last time I’d been here Rhett had dragged me away. Will he do that again?

            No.

            I shut the thought down as the hope sprung up inside me. I squashed it like an unsuspecting bug. He wouldn’t come for me. He made himself more than clear. I gave him my heart and he ripped it apart. I hadn’t thought it was possible for anyone to hurt me more than Taylor had. I had thought that the things Taylor had done to me were the ultimate tragedy, the most pain I would suffer in my whole life. I had been certain of it. But the scratches his knife had made on my skin, the torture. None of it compared to the shredded, bleeding heart in my chest. Rhett had done that. Rhett had broken me. After all this time. All the years I held on, it was only to give him all the power, the ability to rip me apart.

            My feet crunched on the dead grass as I moved away from the truck stop and toward the field next to it. The place I had called my home for three years. Each step was one I had made many times, but it felt strangely like I was walking a new path, moving along in a new direction. Not an old one. Not one that I had beat to death over and over. And before I knew it I was there, in the little clearing where Shauna and I had lived. The tent, our little home, was gone. Where is she?

            I hadn’t thought about her much, not in a long time. She had been like zombie in my life. I had never been sober in her presence. I couldn’t recall much about her. I remembered snuggling up to her when it was cold in winter. I remembered those late nights where I’d been so fucking high and she’d gone down on me, sucking on my cunt until my legs shook.

She was older than me, closer to Rhett’s age. She’d been different than anyone I’d ever known. Maybe because she was more like me than anyone else. We would fend for ourselves, but it was nice to have someone else who understood the troubles that fucking for money gave a person.

            I stared at the spot where the tent used to be. I knew it had been right here, in this spot, but the grass wasn’t even pressed down from the weight of the tent. She must have been gone for a while. This disappointed me. I don’t know why. I shook my head. That was I lie. I did know why.

I wanted to come here. To look at Shauna. To look at my past and feel better about myself. I wanted to remind myself that it could be shittier. That I could be back here, fucking for money. I didn’t come back to this place to bend over for more faceless men, to fall back into the drugs. Even the burn that assaulted my skin occasionally wasn’t enough to make me want all of this back.

I rubbed my hands together and laid down on the ground.

The dirt was hard, harder than I remembered. The cold, dead grass poked through my jacket stabbing into my skin. But I didn’t mind it. I welcomed it. It was a nice distraction from the ache in my chest. The ache that Rhett gave me.

He was there in the forefront of my mind again. The image of him just before he left. The words on his lips.

“I fucked her.”

I closed my eyes as they reverberated through my head. I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand the thought of him being inside her. Of him fucking her when I had just given him everything. I was so easy to erase, to cover up. I was just someone he fucked. I was to him what I was to every other man I’d ever been with. Just a warm cunt to bury their dick in for a few minutes before they moved on. He had become everything I hadn’t wanted. He became just like them. One of those faceless, careless men.

But then there lied the problem. He wasn’t faceless. He wasn’t just any fucking John who paid me for sex. He was Rhett. My Rhett. He was supposed to be different. He was supposed to be my different. But he wasn’t. And he never would be.

I tried not to think about what he was doing right at that moment. But my mind skittered in a hundred different directions. Him with Sarah on a bed, in a shower. His thick perfect cock making her feel all the things I had felt that night. His hands all over her. Him whispering I love you in her ear.

The tears that leaked out of the corners of my eyes were hot for a few seconds before the cool air chilled them. They lingered there on the corners of my eyelids before slipping free and trailing into my ear. I shivered.

I stared up at the sky. The Truck Stop was out of the city so the stars were visible here. Tiny little glowing orbs in the sky. Looking up at them only made the tears come faster.

It was silly to cry. To be here. To be sad about all the things I would never have. I had given up on the chances of a good life a long time ago. I had accepted that my life was fucked, that I was fucked. It had been easy to accept back then. Back when I first made this place my home. But now. Now I knew what a good life was really like. I knew what it was like to be in love with someone. With a passionate man who made my heart beat fast with just a smile. I knew what it was like to have friends, to be loved in ways that didn’t involve a dick being jammed down my throat or a knife flaying away at my skin.

I knew too much. Too many truths about the good things.

I left him and those things behind. Now I was here. Staring at the clear sky alone. I would have said it was the story of my life. But it wasn’t. Tonight was the first time I looked up at the sky in this way. With the bitter taste of happiness draining down my throat. With the joy of all the things I could have had rushing down my cheeks.

I didn’t want to think about him. But he wouldn’t go away. I couldn’t push him out of my mind. He was there, and I was back on my birthday, the day he’d given me my car. We were sitting in the car and the way he had looked at me that day. The way his lips curved in the corners when he smiled at me. It was as if my happiness had been his happiness too. As if he would have given anything to see me smile. Then there were the other moments. The ones where he stood in my doorway and listened to me speak about the nightmares, the images that plagued me day after day. He always listened. He didn’t shy away from my reality. The reality of what his father had done to me. As if he couldn’t live or breathe without hearing me speak the stories, say the words. It was as if he needed to live them too, over and over, so he could save me.

What a fucking joke.

I blinked hard, my ears tingling from my pooling tears.

I turned my head to the side and imagined he was there next to me. There on the cold ground, with the stiff grass pressing through his jacket like it did with mine. The little stalks would scrape against his flesh, but he wouldn’t shiver. His green eyes would be staring back at me.

I almost laughed at myself, I would have if I hadn’t been crying already. It was like those movies where the two actors looked at the empty space beside them and thought about the other. But that was movies. Rhett wasn’t thinking about me.

I reached out to touch him, to grab him, to pull the image back before he disappeared, but there was nothing there. Just empty darkness.

I stayed there all night. In that field I had called home for years, my back on the hard ground staring up at the sky thinking about Rhett.

Eventually I fell into a fitful sleep and when I woke the next morning I was still alone.